How To Get Out Of Your Own Way by Tyrese Gibson

Over the past week, I have been reading a book by Tyrese Gibson called, "How To Get Out of Your Own Way".

Many of you know Tyrese as a multi-platinum and Grammy-nominated American R&B singer, songwriter, and actor.  He grew up in Watts, California and in his new book, he provides advice about living life in general and how to be successful in the game of life.  

The primary theme of his book focuses upon how to "love yourself" so that you are able to get out of your own way.  Throughout his childhood, Tyrese was able to make progress and get out of his way by having mentors and also by overcoming a variety of obstacles.

Chapter#1: Tyrese's Childhood

Tyrese makes a variety of major points:

• "Most of who we are as adults is somehow directly connected to our childhood (p.3).
• "Son, every lesson is a blessing, but you will grow through what you go through (p.4)
• "If I learned anything from those early years, it's that within the bad, there is always the good". (p.16)
• "My household was like a pot of stew that had every combination of emotion in it.  Being hungry, seeing my mama drink and get beat, I felt helpless most of the time because I couldn't do anything.  It was heaven and hell in a pot, and it just kept on stirring," (p.25)

The power of mentoring:
Throughout his book, Tyrese mentions the power and importance of having a mentor such as Reggie Andrews and Don Lee, the first person who had allowed him to be in his first talent show.  Tyrese writes, "I want to thank you for giving me permission to be great.  You believed in me and I've been around the world and I've seen the greatest that life has to offer, and it all started right here, standing in this exact spot" (p.5)

I am proud of Tyrese that he did not forget where he received his first exposure or an opportunity to showcase his talent.  He is sharing the power of going back into his "hood" as he calls it to simply thank a variety of people who made a difference in his life. 

Tyrese is quick to admit the importance of mentoring and also how a neighbor clearly made a difference in his life.  He writes, "I did not think I had any talent that could specifically help get me out of Watts until my neighbor heard me sing.  She kind of planted the idea in me that music was something I needed to look into.  As soon as she and her friends told me I could sing, I was going to try and go all the way---period.  If singing could get me out of Watts, I was going to put all  my time and energy into music and singing.  The pain of being broke, hungry, stuck without a ride or any transportation, the feeling of being vulnerable and being in an unpredictable environment became my motivation." (p.27)

Discussion Questions About Mentoring:

• Who was a powerful mentor within your life?
• How many mentors did you have while growing up?
• How did your mentors help and assist you in achieving your goals?
• Do you still remember the "words of wisdom" or the advice that your mentors gave you?
• How did you apply the information or advice that your mentor gave you?
• As an adult, are you mentoring others?
• What advice do you give young people who you are asking to mentor?

Overcoming Obstacles:

• Tyrese admits his childhood was difficult. By being honest, his story will teach others that you do not have to come from a perfect background in order to advance or excel in the world today.  However, it does definitely take additional work and working very hard to overcome many obstacles when you grow up poor or live in a poor neighborhood. 
• Today, we need more disadvantage people who have made it to tell their story so that young people see a way out and know there is hope in succeeding at the game of life.  
• Tyrese even admits the following to show the reader the extend of growing up poor, "We received social security, food stamps, and county checks, and started getting WIC vouchers when I was in elementary school, after my oldest sister had her first child.(p.7).
• Tyrese even writes, "We were hungry all the time" (p.8)
• I admire this book and Tyrese because he is clearly an overcomer.  While he struggled in school and was a bad kid who had to go to a school for behavioral students, he was still able to progress in life.  His story should motivate and encourage a variety of poor, African-American adults in general and children or teenagers in particular.

Discussion Questions about Obstacles:

• What were some of the obstacles standing in your way throughout your childhood?
• How did you cope with the dysfunctional behaviors within your family, your community, or at school?
• Who were the people or mentors that taught you how to overcome problems, concerns or issues from your childhood?
• Even as an adult, what are some of the obstacles that still haunt you as an adult?
• What are the major issues that you confront as an adult which are linked to issues or problems you faced as a child?
• How did you try to break the dysfunctional behaviors of your childhood regarding family, friends, or classmates?